In our incredibly busy, pressured lives, it is becoming more and more difficult to just “BE”. Too often I find myself getting easily distracted by what I need to do, where I need to be, or about family and friends. I find it incredibly difficult to just stop and concentrate and ENJOY the moment. And I know I need to “BE” for my own well-being.
How does this “being” manifest itself when we are with other people? Consider this:
I was meeting my friend in a nearby coffee shop. We were sitting in really comfortable seats, looking out of the window the lake outside. My friend is going through some major issues at home and had met with me to just unload. As a lay worker in my church, who has often been in situations where I have met with people who are dealing with “stuff”, I felt that I could be the listening ear she needed. However, I found myself staring out of the window at the sun on the lake, and “glazing over”. I was no longer present; I was not there for my friend.
How did that make her feel? – Not Valued.
How did I feel when I realised I had “drifted off”? – Shame, Guilt, Anger at myself.
Everyday, we need to choose to “Be There”, to “Be Present” with people and that means paying attention to, and concentrating on, the person we are with, and focusing on that very moment. This takes effort. Even if I don’t end up saying anything, I come away from these situations completely drained. However – the rewards are incredible, and worth the sacrifice.
So, what have I seen in me when I have made the decision to “be present”? I become more focused. I improve my listening skills. I can deal with emotional triggers in a new light, by not reacting so quickly (which usually results in anger, or frustration). I become more tolerant and am able to make wiser decisions. I am more comfortable in my skin.
How do you practice “being present”? Please share any tips and secrets that have worked for you. Thanks for stopping by.
See you soon, Kate
- You: Being Fully Present As a Man (artofmanliness.com)