When to Say “Yes” and How to Say “No”.

Give yourself permission to say "NO".

Yesterday, I talked about creating a “To-Stop” list, and encouraged you to regularly check what you do.  It involved saying “No.”

To maintain your sanity, and a healthy balance in your life, you need to learn how to say “No.”  This is harder than it sounds.  There are tendencies in all of us to help, to give time to others.  For many, there is an attitude of  “it is often easier to do it myself”.  However, there is a great risk of “burning out”, and illnesses such as depression or other mental health issues can arise.  What are the benefits of not saying “No?”  I don’t see any, do you?

I know that if I do not say “No” I can easily feel:

  • physically drained
  • emotionally abused (depends on the situation)
  • manipulated
  • taken for granted
  • devoid of power

So are there any benefits in saying “No?”  What about:

  • more time for the things that are truly important
  • more energy
  • empowered, taking back control
  • being able to give of your best to a few things

I know that it takes small steps to move from the starting point of ‘always doing’ to the finishing line of knowing when to say Yes and how to say No.  So how do I begin the endurance race to the finishing line?

Here are some pointers:

  • I must be sure of myself, and be confident in who I am.
  • I need to know what I am capable of and not allow myself to be drawn into doing more.
  • I need to recognise when I am being drawn beyond my intended boundary.
  • I need to give myself permission to say “No” and know that it is OK for me.
  • I accept that my “No” may cause inconvenience to others but this must not become my issue.
  • I need to take control of those thoughts of “how others might feel”.

Why do you think you may have trouble saying “No?”

Who around you has more control of your life than you do yourself?

What are the benefits of not saying “No?”

Recommendation and credit to: “Boundaries” by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend

Thank you for taking the time to visit me here.  I appreciate any feedback that you care to give. Please add a comment to introduce yourself, or add value to what I have written in this post.  Kate.

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About katehobbs

Mother to two who are now independant and living away from home. Wife to Steve, for the last 26yrs and looking forward to many more years. I have enjoyed 18 months in the Okanagan, something that I have longed to have the opportunity to do for a while. Living a dream, you could say. Now, I am interning with Living Waters Canada based in Vancouver until end of April 2013. I love to grow my own food - it tastes so much better. I also build up, train and encourage others to achieve more than they thought possible.
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