- self-preservation: fatigue and burn out can be prevented
- freedom from manipulation by others
- control of areas of my life that I have handed over to someone else
Yesterday we considered motivation as a reason for not being able to say “No.” Today, we will consider “What will others think?”
Fear of others can paralyse us. We often imagine the reactions and thoughts of others. In doing this, we hand control of ourselves to them. We are fearful of their reaction; we do everything we can to prevent them feeling that way. What does that do to you or me? It means that:
- we are always in a state of worry and anxiety
- we seek after perfection because to do any less means that we are a failure or, more to the point, we think others will think we are a failure
- we expect the same standards of others and when they don’t conform we experience profound disappointment, even anger. “It’s not fair!”
These thought patterns are destructive because they emanate from the fear. Fear cripples, make us ill, confines us, and prevents us from finding out what we are truly capable of.
Stepping out of the fear takes time, and courage. Remember, feelings and facts are different. We can live out of our feelings when the facts tell a completely different story. Have someone you trust shine light on the facts of the situation. Begin to acknowledge the truth of each situation, check your motivations, and begin to let go. Try saying “No” and see what happens? Did your worse nightmare come to fruition? Probably not. Next time you will be more able to say “No”.
Know that you are OK and it is OK to set boundaries.
What are your thoughts about feelings and facts being different?
Discuss the dangers of living out of our feelings?
Thank you for taking the time to visit me here. I appreciate any feedback that you care to give. Please add a comment to introduce yourself, or add value to what I have written in this post. Kate.
Want to be notified of new posts to this site? The subscribe button is at the top right of the page. Thanks.