A painful lesson to be learned.

I have been on a learning journey about myself recently to understand why I might react a certain way when put under pressure; what are my irritable areas; what gives me most satisfaction…… etc.

I have found that I tend to mother people, to look out for them, to see things they are doing could cause hurt or pain and try to prevent that from happening – although I am not responsible for anyone else but myself and my actions.  I tend to mother Steve, my husband, from time to time.  Not a good idea.

Let me explain by giving you a recent, real life example.

On Saturday, I was out in the beautiful Penticton vineyards with Steve, tasting wines and happily spending money.  As we would be around alcohol, we decided who would taste and who would drive.  It has been part of our marriage to make this decision before we go off to an event or place where we know alcohol will be available.  I was designated the driver

On our way back from tasting we stopped off for some food items.  We noticed that there were some very dark clouds looming; a large downpour was heading our way.  We did our shopping, and came back out to find that the rain was in full swing.  We got into our car and prepared to go home.  At this point my husband said “You do know how to switch the headlights on don’t you?”

Now, I have driven for over 25 years, and have driven many cars, in all weathers, both day and night.  When Steve said what he did, everything inside me wanted to turn off the engine, get out of the driving seat, and hand him the keys.  He was mothering me!  In that one statement I felt like Steve didn’t trust me to drive!  Did he not think I was capable?

It was at that point that I remembered the several times I had mothered him, and the feelings that were going through me probably were similar to how Steve felt when I did the same sort of thing to him.

It was a lesson I needed to learn in order to move me on in my development.  Sometimes, the only way we can learn the lesson is to experience it.  That might not be a pretty thing to see.  We need to feel the anger, the hurt, the frustration, the emotion of the lesson in order for it to make a change in our lives.

What did I do on Saturday?  Well, I quietly told Steve that I had already put on the lights and then proceeded to drive home – safely.  The lesson was being learned.

What have you learned about yourself that only personal experience could teach?

Share an experience here where you remember feeling that stomach churn inside and what did you learn about yourself from it?

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About katehobbs

Mother to two who are now independant and living away from home. Wife to Steve, for the last 26yrs and looking forward to many more years. I have enjoyed 18 months in the Okanagan, something that I have longed to have the opportunity to do for a while. Living a dream, you could say. Now, I am interning with Living Waters Canada based in Vancouver until end of April 2013. I love to grow my own food - it tastes so much better. I also build up, train and encourage others to achieve more than they thought possible.
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5 Responses to A painful lesson to be learned.

  1. Hi Kate,
    When my self esteem is attacked by a stupid question I no longer get completely bent out of shape just mildly annoyed. And I’m afraid that’s about as much progress as I will ever make on the don’t-take-it-personally challenge.
    Riley

  2. Justin says:

    Hi Kate,
    It must be the thoughts/feelings that we take so personally. We all rub off on each other the good and the bad.

    It’s a reality check to see how our behavior affects others.

  3. Hi Kate,
    That’s an “accurate” story. I have been guilty of doing similar. Maybe from a sort of controlling/caring point of view. I don’t want to see people hurt therefore I have been overprotective in attitude & action. I am gradually letting go of this. Thank you for this insight.
    be good to yourself
    David

    • katehobbs says:

      Hi David
      Thank you for visiting and commenting here. It’s sad that I can fall into the ‘trap’ of mothering so easily. Now that I am beginning to recognise how I get to that point, I can now do something about it earlier, so I don’t do it. Thankfully, I have people around me who can challenge me on this. I hope you do too.
      Kate

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