The last couple of posts have been about misogyny and misandry; two Greek words that, literally translated, mean “hatred of women” and “hatred of men”.
In my last post I alluded to the fact that I married a passive man. If you missed it, please click here to read some of my story. My husband was passive because of his upbringing. It would be wrong of me to tell you what this consisted of because it is his story to tell, not mine.
With him being passive, it meant that I could control much of our lives together. I was the main earner for much of our married life, in fact right up until a couple of years ago. I was the social, outgoing person, while my husband was introvert. I found in my husband someone who I could control and lead.
- I would be impatient with him (he finds communicating certain ideas very difficult) and so I would finish his sentences.
- When my husband would be asked to do something within our group of friends, I would take over.
- Whenever we had to deal with official paperwork i.e. applying for passports, I would do it and not allow my husband to.
- I would not talk favourably of him when he was not around – pointing out his not-s0-good points. I would dishonour him.
- I embarked on various business opportunities, having asked my husband first if it was a good idea, but then ignoring his answer if it was negative. I would go ahead even though I knew he didn’t think it right.
- When he did make decisions that I didn’t agree with, I would make sure he knew it! I would go out of my way to make myself look good, and for him to look bad.
You see, misandry, like misogyny, can be subtle. Dishonouring my husband, and men in general, is misandrous. I don’t literally ‘hate’ men, but I do things to discredit them and to put them down; to make myself look good. This is misandry.
Things have significantly changed over the last 6-7 years. I have recognised my actions for what they are. As I have changed, my husband has also changed – becoming a stronger man, who initiates and leads where he didn’t before. I defer to him more.
I can’t say that I am no longer misandrous. I still find myself finishing his sentences for him, but he has the confidence to call me on it so I can see where I am not honouring him. When he volunteers to do something, I let him. He is more willing to take risks and will ask for my help if needed (before, I just plunged in!!!) He is much stronger as a person and is prepared to challenge my behaviour toward him if he knows that it dishonours him. I am so grateful for this change because I believe I am becoming a better woman, a better wife, because of it.
Do you recognise any similarities in how you treat the menfolk around you?
In what ways do you recognise misandry at work in our world?
- Raising Awareness of Misandry (aleksandreia.com)